things haven't been going my way this weekend, for some
reason.
<P>i am just feeling rather bad, in general,
and i'm not sure exactly why, but i'm
not liking it much and i hope it's temporary. i just feel like
there is a lot of stuff i'm meant to control and take
care of and i'm not doing a very good job of taking
care of it. i'm
sort of paralyzed and stuck for a little while.
<P>i figure it's only temporary, but i'm certainly not enjoying it.
<P>anyway, i don't have much to say right now,
but i felt like i wanted to
say something.
{title=bad stretch}
{datestamp=200209021652}
and etc. i know "busy" is getting old, but at least i'm not blathering on about being depressed right now.<P>glad that's over for the moment.
<P>okay, so school started up and things are going fairly well. other than hating to get up early in the
morning and getting frustrated with the idiots around me, i
really do love my job, so the return to school was not horribly painful. god knows, i spent
enough time here this summer, anyway!
<P>what WAS horribly painful is the fact that i
put a dent in my volvo on labor day weekend. didn't help the depression, i can tell you that!
i broke my tail-light and knocked off a bit of
the bummper that sticks up on the top. god, that broke my
heart! and the fact that it was totally
my fault didn't help anything, either.
<P>let's see...in other news, i went to bonfante gardens a couple of weeks ago with cati and had a lovely time.
<P>circus trees, man.
<P>i'm telling you.<P>i read a fairly enjoyable novel called
<I>thinks</I>, by david lodge...<P>spent hours and hours watching
the entire series of <I>twin peaks</I>, followed by <I>fire
walk with me</I>, which i didn't enjoy nearly
so much, probably for lack of pie references.
well, that and the fact that things didn't seem to make any sense, but
that was probably my fault.
<P>um.
<P>i am extrememly
broke right now, so that will probably cut back on my drinking, unless i decide to work my wiles on the old guys at the 3300
club--which i probably won't do...
<P>i spent a nice weekend with
<P>i think that's about it.
<P>i got out of the habit of writing, but i will try to get back into it again. maybe it will help me sort out the
self-destructive infatuation i have on a ridiculously
mysterious boy here in SF, who can't even seem to give me a straight answer as
to what his NAME is.<P>oh, well.
<P>cheers.
{title=busy busy busy}
{datestamp=200209111359}
lately i've been having more
than the usual amount of trouble with sleeping.
the odd thing is that this seems to make my dreams more vivid and more
memorable when i actually DO get to sleep, though i never have time first thing in the morning to write them
down. i wake
up, thinking, "wow,
that was so amazing. i'll
never forget that!" and then can only remember that i
thought it was interesting, but i have no idea why
when i finally settle down to think about it.
<P>last night i dreamt about a place with lots
of pools of water...i was sitting in a hot tub with a
friend of mine and two strangers, a man and a woman. the man was hitting on me, but then the woman
said something about something that made me ask the man if he was there at the
hotel alone. of course, he was with his
wife and of course she has back in the room with their kid.
<P>i excused myself from the pool and was
getting ready to leave the hotel and check out when i
walked by another pool and it was full of koi as big
as sharks! there was a big dog barking
at the fish and trying to grab them--he fell in the water and the bigger fish
rammed into him, but it wasn't very violent--more like they were just teaching
him a lesson.
<P>next i was on a bus with jeffrey--obviously
a dream, as jeffrey doesn't ride busses. he got off and i
said goodbye and i ended up sitting next to this
rather enormously fat man...he was very sad and put his head on my lap and
cried. i tried
to be comforting. i
was distracted, however, by the man from the pool. he had left his wife, apparently, and was
looking for me.
<P>i've been distracted so many times from
finishing this, perhaps i should just give it up for
now and come back later.
<P>cheers.
{title=strange dreams}
{datestamp=200209120949}
this has been a pleasant weekend--just what i needed to recapture a little energy in my life, as i've been feeling so run-down lately.
<P>friday night i
went over to allen and corey's
for dinner and some card playing and substance abuse. i've never actually
abused any substances with allen, in our ten years
plus friendship, so this was something new.
they were leading me astray, of course.
i am completely innocent.
<P>anyway, a lovely night of "spite and malice" in which we all
won at least one game--yay for corey! his first time!--and allen
was the grand champion.
<P>saturday afternoon i
went bead shopping with my friend peita. as we were waiting for the J church, tony and siouxsie drove by, so i chatted with them for about five minutes until the train
came and then peita and i
went downtown to general bead, beyond beads and the pearl. i was actually
quite restrained and didn't buy very much, which is good, as i am totally broke, a point i
occasionally forget, thanks to my credit cards.<P>
saturday afternoon i
colored my hair and then saturday night i spent several hours finishing up <I>simply
divine</I>, another novel by wendy holden, who wrote <I>farm fatatle</I>,
which enjoyed very much. she's quite
clever and witty, though the male/female stuff is always predictable and a
little irritating. of course, even
though i "reject" all this crap, i ended up feeling all wistful about my apparently
permanent single status when i finished the book and
went to sleep.
<P>slept wonderfully well, once i finally fell
asleep, though i had some fairly disturbing dreams
involving babies, "replacement models" for dead people and dead birds
and rats and things being left in my maryjanes. been dreaming a lot of my mom's old house--my
old house!--in escalon lately. i was thinking
before i fell asleep that, since i
moved all the furniture, now my head is facing west again, the way it did in
the old house. maybe that's what has
started all this dreaming up again...
<P>today i didn't do a lot. walked up to 24th street to buy some flax
seed oil, hung around to talk to jeremy, but he was
busy, so i came home and read <I>tuck
everlasting</I> so i could really work up some
ire about the new movie.
i've been listening to elf power--sometimes i forget how much i like
them.
<P> and that's about it! anubis is asleep in the sun on the floor behind me, i'm eating a salad and drinking cold peppermint tea and
wondering what i will do with the rest of the
evening.
<P>any ideas?
{title=weekend}
{datestamp=200209221735}
man, i had the worst morning
today! i went
downstairs to dump my trash on the way out and someone had been in our garage,
had gone through the storage closets down there--i
didn't have mine locked, stupid me!--and had gone all through my car--the trunk
was open, they opened my toolbox and everything.
i don't think they really took anything, but it is so
creepy that someone was in there in the first place.<P>
then i walked out to the other car to drive to work
and someone has peeled off my reg. stickers and i got
a ticket for having out of date tabs! i am going to be so pissed if they make me pay $25 because
someone else fucked with my car. someone
is out to get me, i fear.
{title=bad morning}
{datestamp=200209231222}
okay, so yesterday i got up and
dealt with the fact that my garage had been broken into and someone had gone
through all my stuff, including the trunk of my car, all the papers in
there--everything. and then i also got a ticket because someone had stolen the sticker
off my license plate on my car. great.
<P>today i get to work and the very first thing
i read is a handout on my health insurance. now, before everyone tells me that my
insurance is still way cheaper than theirs and blah blah
blah, keep in mind that i
work for a really low-paying district in one of the most expensive cities in
the country...i know i
don't have to, but i do...
<P>so, that said, even though dumb-ass second-rate kaiser's
cost increase is only a little under 7%, compared to the other two providers'
increases of between 30% and 35%, my prescription costs and copays
for visits are going up just as much as their costs...my co-pay is doubling and
my presciptions are going up by ten times! it is true that health care costs are going
way way up, but it doesn't seem fair that my increase
for my crappy health care should be going up as much as people who might
actually have half a chance at survival.
i suppose i could
jump ships, but i have this "pre-existing
condition" that makes me not want to leave my neurologist.
<P>well, one good thing, the thought of the drugs going up so much made
me finally make an appointment with the neurologist. if i have to take
the damn meds, at least i should pay as little as
possible for them.
<P>:(
<P>in other news, i had these strange, sad
dreams about trying to photograph my dad and my grandmother, but they kept
moving out of focus. i
really wanted to sort of commemorate them, but i just
couldn't make it happen and it made me really sad.
<P>anyway, time to give a library orientation to a bunch of
freshman. later.
{title=it just gets better and better...}
{datestamp=200209240902}
went to the neurologist today and i
think it went pretty well--for all the denial and delay, he says that the
problems i'm having are probably just carpal tunnel
syndrome that was started up by the residual nerve damage from the CIDP...so
it's related, but the CIDP is probably still in remission. good and bad news, as there isn't a lot to be
done about the carpal tunnel problem, but at least i
don't have to start taking all that medication again. i was going to have
to have the electric shock testing that they do to test nerve impulses, but the
machine wasn't working properly, so i got off the
hook. he only poked me a couple of
times.
<P>in other news, tonight is "back to school night" and i am sitting at my desk, fully prepared for the fact that
no parents are ever coming in here, and yet i still
had to drive back down to pacifica tonight to be
here. <P>oh, well. <P>
i took the opportunity to set up the darkroom and
clean up the massive dustbunnies that have
accumulated due to my lack of use...i made one quick
print to make sure that everything is in order and then i
came back down to my office.
<P>i've been trying to learn DBTextworks for my library class and i
made one mistake that i wanted to go back and change and i
couldn't figure out how to do it, so i think i am abandoning ship for the night. maybe i'll just
chat and play video games instead.
{title=another day}
{datestamp=200209262009}
this has been a pleasant weekend...and i'm relieved, too, as last week was just utter crap.
<P>friday afternoon alice
gave me a call, so we met at my place, caught up on news--meaning i complained about the various issues i
had and she complained about her various issues--and then we ate some thai food at regent, came home and then decided to go out
for drinks. (well, i
suppose it was a given, all along, but we rather decided <i>where</I> to go for drinks.)
<P>we spent a few hours drinking at the 3300 club and she filled me in on
the shocking details of her secret past--god knows i
have no secrets!--and we flirted with an amazingly handsome and sweet irish labor boy. he
was lovely, but not awfully sharp, i think. mmmm. yummy, though. wouldn't mind giving him another go!
we went home around
the next morning we got up for bagels and coffee at the place up the street and
then we headed off to our various educational experiences, alice
to CPR certification and me to
we discussed the pretty boys from the night before and it was a nice way to
start the morning.
<P>class was interesting and i was only
completely clueless for about 1/3 of the time--not too bad! after class i went
over to tony and siouxsie's
and the three of us went out and ate way too much really really
good indian food at this new place in
this morning peita called and we went off to
<p>now i am just sitting here, full of the
leftover thai food and thinking about what i'm going to do with the evening...a little farming, maybe,
and a hot bath later. i think i am almost fortified
enough to not fully dread this next week at school, even.
<P>we'll see how it goes!
{title=the weekend is over...}
{datestamp=200209291725}
i had a funny dream wherein my
friend allen was sort of a stewardess on a fancy
train or something...he was wearing what basically looked like a burlap shirt
and a pair of fairly brief navy blue shorts.
{title=waitress in the sky}
{datestamp=200209301107}