so i started my novel, and right on time! though i ended up scrapping the first couple of pages because i didn't like it very well and starting again. the new one isn't great, but being great isn't really the point, so i'm okay with that. i've got over 6000 words and that is pretty cool!

what isn't cool is the horrible dream i had last night. i was driving in my car and i was late getting somewhere--it was a really long drive and i was only about half way there, like i was going to humboldt and i was only in ukiah or something. i stopped my car in a parking lot and i looked up and i could see a small dog tied, sort of hung, from the eaves of this house. i was totally horrified and thought it must be some accident or something that had happened, so i went and knocked on the door of the house.

an older, middle-aged guy answered and there was a a woman in the house. they invited me in and were really nice to me, but i was upset and i just wanted to help the dog. i tried to explain what i had seen, but they just didn't seem to get it.

i ran outside again to look and i saw that there were other dogs tied up there, but they were all dead. near the small dog who was still alive was a little dead black puppy.

i was totally distraught at this point and went back inside and the man said that they were bad dogs and he was punishing them. i asked him how long the one who was still alive had been up there and when he had last had water or food. i called the police to come, but there was nothing i could do--i couldn't get to the dog to help it and i couldn't get anyone else to do anything.

the whole thing was just horrible and i woke up feeling totally sick.

i imagine it might have had something to do with the scene in george washington where the uncle kills the kid's dog and makes him a hat out of it, maybe. (amazing looking movie, though the acting wasn't that great, by the way.)


anyway, i'm going to keep plugging away at the novel and i hope to get at least halfway there. it's fun!

{title=it has begun.}


 it's finally raining and i'm loving it, but it tends to make me feel all antsy, like i need to do something, but i'm not sure what...makes it hard to sit down to the novel, but i'm still plugging along--over 10k now!

tonight i am going to see real women have curves with my friend anna...i don't know if i'm going get log 2000 words tonight, but i deserve a movie. argh. rotten teacher needs help. {title=a blustery day}


i was doing really well with staying up on the word count for the novel, but i've slowed down this past couple of days. i need to be sure to catch up before it just seems like way too much to even consider, because i would like to finish the thing, just to say that i did. i hate to leave things undone.

while i wasn't writing the novel, i had a nice weekend with the extra day for holiday. i was sick on saturday, so the monday made up for it, more or less. i had lunch with alice down at savor and then we got ice cream at mitchell's and then we got a cider at the 3300 club. she's been really busy lately, so we haven't had much of a chance to hang out.

after my post prandial nap, i barted over to oakland and doug and i ate fairly unimpressive pizza and watched shadow of the vampire and caught up a bit.

then it was back to school! tonight i am meeting someone for a drink, tomorrow i am going to see autofocus with my friend jenn, friday i am supposed to be going out with the ccb and saturday is a big bead show, of all things, in oakland that i'm going to with peita. i've been weirdly busy for weeks now, it seems, and i'm used to just spending a lot of time on my own. i like doing stuff, but i like doing stuff by myself, too, and i sort of miss all my leisure time, but i suppose i still spend more time alone than the average person.

anyway, i'm at work, fiddling with making posters for the bulletin board. god, i love the bulletin boards and i love the fact that two big boxes of books i ordered just came it. everything at my fingertips! i think i'm going to read selkirk's island, that book about the "real robinson crusoe", when i finally finish the fucking picture palace which has been dragging on forever. it feels like someone's nanowrimo project! {title=off the wagon} {datestamp=200211130938}

it's been a nice weekend...yesterday i cleaned up the apartment a little and did a lot of cooking--pumpkin muffins and a couple tasty things for dinner with alice which we ate and then i proceeded to go out and get totally hammered and be hit on by two different guys who assumed that because i didn't fall to my knees in joy that they were hitting on me that i must be a lesbian. one of the guys, marlon, just wouldn't let me talk to alice or anyone else--finally we just bailed, after something like eight or ten drinks. i am sort of suprised that i survived in one piece this morning.

i got up and had brunch with jeffrey and took a little stroll through the castro for a while and then i did some shopping on 24th street on the way home--good god, another pair of sensible shoes.

tonight i did some beading and now i'm thinking i will take a hot bath and go to bed. i messed up my shoulder and it's killing me...i think i am calling it quits on the novel--i just ran out of steam on it, though i suppose i could put in another ditch effort to close it out. maybe i'll call in sick tomorrow and write.

;) {title=sunday night}


i don't think i can give up on my poor novel just now--besides, i can't sleep and i have nothing better to do.

i think i'm going to have one of the characters steal an SUV and drive it through the front window of a pottery barn!

{title=not dead yet!}


lots of odd, sort of vaguely melancholy i remember in particular involved me walking around with a friend in these beautiful tree-lined streets--a dream version of the section of escalon between the high school and the highway, toward downtown. we were walking along and looking at all these houses, some sort of scruffy, but nothing really bad, and they were all houses that i could buy for as much as i paid in rent for a month. i was trying to convince myself that it was worth it, but i still felt weird about it.

the water part of the dream involved me getting stuck in some very flimsy speed boat with two stuck up blond women who were apparently movie stars and some guy. i was the only one who knew how to swim or how to run the boat, but they were doing it, going too fast and almost hitting all these dolphins and sea creatures and other boats. the ship broke up and we were in a rubber raft and some pirate type guys popped the raft and robbed us--i swam into shore and i kept telling them to hold onto the pilings on some old dock, but they wouldn't listen and just started to sink.

the next two parts were in a church and in a high school, but i've got to get to work now, so i suppose they will be lost in the depths of my mind.

oh, well!
{title=finally! a good night's sleep...}

old journal