bleah.
<P>alice came by last night and we had a couple of drinks and then headed out to the bar where, for some reason pretty much unknown to me, i proceeded to just drink myself into an absolute stupor in about an hour. i engaged a couple of old guys in conversation about the jukebox and i talked to alice and a little to patrick, but basically i just drank until i was about to get sick and then i said i had to go home...where i did, in fact, get sick.
repeatedly.
and not in the most precise direction, unfortunately, so i had to wait until i was done throwing up this morning to face cleaning up the bathroom and the side of the toilet.
bleah, i say, yet again.
this was an odd and not very enjoyable week. i feel horrible that i forgot paul's birthday--i just wasn't even thinking of what day of the month it was or anything...i was just super self-involved and too busy feeling sorry for myself, i guess. hopefully with everything else that was coming up and out last night, the last of the sad went, too. today is an absolutely gorgeous day, though i'm not sure i am yet well enough to go out and enjoy it. i feel a little fragile and i think a nap with anubis will serve me well to fortify me against whatever adventures the later afternoon may hold.
cheers.
{title=oh, so very hung over...}
{datestamp=200302021148}
today i had a librarian meeting first thing and we sat around and drank coffee and ate sweet cakes and things and talked about how utterly fucked we are, budget-wise. it's really very bleak.
<P>then i went back to my school, admired my new chairs, worked on getting funding to go to a workshop with my new LTA and ate pumpkin muffins while i chatted with ann about poetry and the merits of content, style and content and style.
<P>then i went to a department head meeting that was pure ridiculous time wasting and discussion about drug and alcohol abuse prevention--if that isn't redundant to say.
<P>when i got home i fed anubis, changed into some unattractive athletic shoes and walked down to market street to meet corey at lalo's for margaritas, nachos and a bartender who didn't seem to want to serve me. okay, so i'm not a gay male--does that mean i don't deserve service? maybe it's just my karmic payback for complaining about someone having a persecution complex. anyway, we ate and drank and i got green stuff in my teeth that corey managed to ignore until we were about to leave, either out of love or hatred of me, i'm not sure. maybe that's why the guy wouldn't give me a drink! bad stuff in my crooked teeth!
<P>then we walked down to castro and i caught the 24 and rode it until 24th street, where i got off and walked the rest of the way home for a little exercise and sobering up. <P>i had a couple of uncharitable thoughts on the way home, such as the satisfaction that might be had from sending valentines to all my bad dates, hoping that they are still lonely and growing bitter, like me. but i probably won't do that.
<P>fuck valentine's day.
<P>and fuck bartenders that won't serve me.
<P>and, while i'm at it, fuck bartenders that will serve me. like patrick.
<P>yum.
{title=every hour with corey is a happy hour...}
{datestamp=200302052020}

just back from my nightly walk, this time up to glen park, to the video store, where the strangely attractive girl asked me "whose friend are you?" and i was thisclose to saying "i could be your friend" and changed it to "i'm everybody's friend...i'm justin's friend" out of a sense of general decorum.
<P>the walk home smelled all soapy with night blooming flowers and i'm sad because the plum trees are already almost done blooming. the smell of those trees is like nothing else to me. it reminds me of the big red plum tree outside my bedroom window in escalon, of the spring. it has such a hopeful smell to me, i think, though the end of hope (as we all know) is sadness.
<P>ah, well. hot bath time, i think. or maybe another dose of selected short films. that series of "short invention" dvds is fucking awesome. watched <I>la jetee</I> this afternoon, though i didn't have time to watch all the others. i brought home the one with <I>some call it a slingblade</I> for tonight. or tomorrow. or whenever i get around to it.
<P>it pays to have friends.<P>
cheers.<P>oh, and a ps--i hate my noisy, bad music lovin' downstairs neighbor. she laughs like nothing from this world.
{title=night time}
{datestamp=200302062005}

yesterday i had my first class of the new semester and it was okay for me--a little irritating--but it was pretty bad for alice and i'm not sure what to do to make it any better. she's super stressed out about school right now and things are just not going the way she wants them to.
<P>in any case, after class i went to tony and siouxsie's and then we walked to this great indian food place where we ate enough to be almost sick, but not actually sick. the perfect situation for indian food, as you don't want to waste any space in your pie pockets when there is good indian food to eat, but you also don't want to be indian food sick, which is lingering and painful.
<P>
this morning i went out to what was meant to be brunch but can only be called lunch, i think, do to a late-sleeping jeffrey. i always feel vaguely that i should check myself into the betty ford center after a meal with jeffrey, as we invariably smoke a ton of dope and then drink at least a couple of mimosas along the way. this was a very pleasant meal of mushroom-almond-cheese crepes that was followed by coffee, a few errands (wanted to play with furless cat and flirt with preying mantis boy at science fiction bookstore, but neither was handy. instead bought paul a present and was ignored by two so stereotypically science fiction geeks, talking about series fiction that i couldn't believe it was happening. then went to dogeared to see if the last episode of the spirited away manga was in yet, but it wasn't. then walked home.) and a nap upon arrival. still feeling a bit sleepy and looking, i am sure, a bit disheveled, but it's almost time to head over to corey's, so i should try to look alive here.
<P>tomorrow it is back to school and the frenzy of spending my library budget before they take it away from me. then, after this week, a whole week off!
<P>that, i believe, calls for a "woohoo".
<P>woohoo!
{title=sunday afternoon}
{datestamp=200302091735}

i'm just back from my walk to the video store. i think i am developing a crush on that strangely attractive girl. i returned three movies, all wonderful--<I>happenstance</I>, <I>silent running</I> and another episode of the <I>short</I> series, this one called "seduction". <P><I>silent running</I> i didn't actually get to watch all the way this time because i wanted to return it, but i've seen it so many times. i can actually barely stand to watch it, if truth be told. just watching him with the rabbits at the very beginning made me start to cry. it's probably better that i didn't go into the lives and times of hewey, dooey and louie...<P><I>happenstance</I> was one of those charming french films with the <i>amelie</I> woman, audrey tautou, in it. i enjoyed it, though i became a bit impatient with parts of it. i knew what was going to happen and i wanted to see how it was going to happen, i guess.<P>
"seduction" was a good collection, particularly for an animated short called "the tale of the cat and the moon" that was either portuguese or spanish. wonderful animation and a beautiful little story. and i didn't just love it because of the black cat who was the featured player...
<P>in any case, it's a lovely night out. really quite warm and starting to clear up the rain so i could see stars and the swelling moon. i wasn't sure when i went out, though, so i wore my rain jacket and i was dressed mostly in black, with my black boots on and a dark gray turtleneck. i had that specimen song running through my head...
<P>"with your black leather pack and your leather anorak...
<P>do you feel...<I>dark</I>?"
<P>and i thought it was funny. i did feel like i was on a mysterious mission, walking up to glen park at 9 o'clock on a school night! of course, i was meant to be having cheap sex with some boy from the internet, but he chickened out on me. oh, well. such is life!
<P>i think i enjoyed my little stroll sufficiently to call this a lovely night. <P>maybe even loverlier than it would have been with the cheap sex. probably, in fact, though that's not knocking cheap sex...more reiterating the joy to be had on secret missions, silly crushes and evening walks when the rain is just breaking up.
{title=what a lovely night!}
{datestamp=200302132118}

never have your anniversary be on valentine's day. <P>when you're together, it will seem charming and easy to remember, but when you break up--and you will break up--it will just make you even more bitter than all the other bitter single people are on valentine's day.
<P>not that this is anyone's fault but my own, of course.
{title=fuck valentine's day.}
{datestamp=200302141130}

just getting ready to leave for bodega bay to go camping with some of my cousins...should be interesting...i'm hoping it will be fun, but, honestly, i haven't spent much time with any of these people in this sort of environment since i was about 12, so it's a risk. it could also be freezing-ass cold, but i think i brought enough sweatshirts and things...
cati is going to hang out here and take care of anubis while i'm gone. actually, she and noal might be living here for a while, while they look for a place. i think this should be fine, but i am so used to living alone that it makes me wonder a little bit.<P>in any case, anubis should be happy for the extra company!
{title=wilderness adventure time}
{datestamp=200302211017}